Sunday, 19 November 2017
In the Interest of the Church

In the Interest of the Church

Continued from the previous week
Ami
I know my worth. A thousand rubies should be too small an amount to quote as opening bid for me, if I was ever for sale! Even Prophet’s diamond collection in his safe is too small for me right now. I am more valuable than the greatest kingdoms on this earth. I know I am.

I have arrived. When God said the last shall be the first, He was not kidding. That word is Prophetic and sure, and I am a living testimony of its truth! The tail shall be the head, and the head the tail! Wait oh, did God actually say that? What is the scripture again? Ei, have I forgotten this simple scripture again? Oh Ami! Ami the blockheaded priceless ruby or diamond! Ah!
Me too oh, I have to revise my scriptures again. Prophet would not be happy if I fail to recite them well like he taught me. He said he’d punish me severely if I failed, again! Maybe the next punishment would take another mode, I don’t know! But, how can he call that punishment when we both love it! God’s greatest gift to man a punishment? You must be joking! Punishment indeed! I am waiting for him to come and punish. I would make sure he speaks in tongues again like the last time! Now I have him in my palm. Maybe it’s finally time for Prophet to reward me with some of his diamonds. After all, I help him fulfill his desires any day, anytime, anywhere and how he wants it. I mean more to him that the whole church, his disrespectful daughter, his wife and that armour bearer combined! He must give me a share of those diamonds. After all, he did not earn it! If the diamonds are possessed, me I like them. I have seen worse. As for that stupid woman, she deserves to be stoned to death. How can you believe diamonds that were given to you by a renowned businessman is possessed? Ah! What kind of stupidity is this one too? After enjoying your body, the man pays you with diamonds! Pure diamonds! And then you bring them to Prophet to pray over them! Ah! Can’t you pray yourself? The poor fool literally shrunk when Prophet told him the diamonds were possessed. That day, she almost caused scene here! She quickly rejected the so called possessed diamonds and run out! Prophet is a wise man. Some of these church people, they are too lazy. They do not want to learn how to pray.
I have to take my share of those diamonds. Me too I can have the very best life has to offer. The years of obscurity and being third class are over. With this baby boy, I would ascend the highest throne, and bring honour to my wretched family. I may not possess the best education or have the best skills or be a lady like madam, but God has blessed me, with natural gifts to compensate for my weakness in literacy. I never thought such a time like this would come in my life. The moment Osofo Maame decided to take me away from that wretched village, I knew I was destined for greater things. Who would have thought, that me, Ami, the eight daughter of the late priest, would be carrying the heir to Prophet’s church and all his wealth. Me! Ami, who could not even afford sanitary pad! Ami, who was doomed to spend the rest of her life serving some silly god who cannot even see or talk, let alone bath his dirty self? Ami, who was sold to the dirtiest priest the world has ever seen to be one of his wives?! Ei, is this me? God I cannot believe it. Ei Ami, Ami today you can use microwave? Ei Ami, you can use blender, and have a mobile phone! Chai! Ami you are a star! Ami you should be made the queen of that village! Oh no! How can I be queen of a bunch of dirty, illiterates who have completely no sense of purpose and aim? All they know is funeral, sex, marriage, and festivals! No developmental agenda! Nothing. They care less about the thriving world out there. Their confinement to their small hamlet is enough for them! Look at them. I wonder how those people think. They worship their stone-made gods, their useless chief and the priest, my late father. My father too! May his soul be damned wherever he is! How can a man dedicate his whole life to serving a statue and leading other people to do same! How I hated him! That man! To think he dedicated all of his children to the gods! Including his six other wives! I wonder what the women saw in him! The man was poorer that the god he was serving! Ah, how can you be serving a god who needs people to come give him food and money as thanksgiving! Thanksgiving! Nonsense.
The man made sure we all quit the government school the moment we were made to say the Lord’s Prayer! What even kills me is when he collected money from another equally useless priest as my dowry when I was barely seven years old! That I should dedicate my life to serving a wrinkly old man who already has three wives! Thank God for Osofo Maame, well, at the time. I know God spoke with her the very day she set eyes on me. I wanted so badly to leave that hell hole. When she suggested the idea to my mother, she did not hesitate one minute! God bless that woman. She has a good heart. The girls at the church do not know she does. She gets pompous sometimes, but that is understandable. Who on earth doesn’t? If you are as ugly as she is and you still get to enjoy so much wealth without as much as lifting a finger, would you not be pompous? If your skin was like a poker-dotted tie and die, but someway somehow you get good chemicals to make them glow, would you not be pompous?
Leave the idiot alone to enjoy her blessings! Call her pompous, she is still my angel. Too bad she has no idea what is about to hit her! When she finally learns that Prophet is the father of my son, she might go bonkers. But I don’t care. I have been a good servant to her. Knowing her, I am sure she suspected Prophet and I at some point, but has no evidence to open her mouth! Can she even try? She dares not! It seems she has no interest in Prophet! The two don’t even look like they are pretending to be a married couple. Why some people rush to marry sometimes, I wonder. If you two are incompatible, why waste time to marry, and spend the rest of your lives living like onion and knife? See how Prophet drools anytime he sees me! You can see the man is starved, and desperate for a good release from his loins, yet his insatiable libido cannot be ignited for even two seconds by his wife! I know I have a rather impressive derriere and big, firm melons, but the man’s hunger for me is something else. From the very first day met him, I could tell from his eyes that he wanted me. That was the same look my teacher in primary school gave me when he asked me to stay for an assignment after class long ago. The idiot wanted to have his way with me. When I refused, he stated begging! Can you imagine? Small National service that you came to do, you are coming to chase goods that your father and his entire ancestry cannot even afford. Which idiot lusts after the daughter of a fetish priest he is privileged to be teaching! He promised me to marry me when he realized I wasn’t falling for the swollen appendage he thought would impress me! Marry me! Hahaha! This teacher paah! He thinks I am stupid. Can he marry all the school girls he has slept with? I hear that was his promise to the unfortunate ones who fell for his charms and his bony face! The girls used to make fun of him. They say he moans like a kitten, even sheds tears sometimes! Ah! A man shedding tears because of sex! I should have tried it with him sometime, so I could have a good laugh! The idiot! Next time come and take meat you cannot afford. Prophet says I am his greatest motivation, the catalyst for his ministry. I believe him, but I don’t. Men can say anything for a chance to have a release. My duty is to my mother, auntie and benefactor. I have vowed to support her and be her number one general, defending her cause and sacrificing for her if need be. After all, they say blood is thicker than water. That is why I resorted to helping Prophet out anytime he wanted a good release. My duty is to make sure Prophet is happy always. What would happen if the church hears that Prophet and his wife are not as happy as they always look in church? That would make other marriages suffer, and people would not respect the anointed Prophet anymore, and the church would be a shadow of its former self. I would not let that happen. That is why the very first moment Prophet made a move for me, I did not even think twice. When your Prophet and father asks for a random favour, you comply and give your best. Haggai did same for Sarah, and though Sarah’s jealousy nearly marred it, it turned out well. I would not be as stupid as Haggai. How can you be despising your madam because you have a child for her husband - when she literally opened your dirty legs for her husband to enter and give you seed! I am no fool, I would continue licking Osofo Maame’s boots until my son is old enough to take charge of the church. She would never know my son is actually Prophet’s, and not for that stupid Armour Bearer. That guy! Sleeping with him was the worst ordeal I ever had to endure in my short life! Ah! But it had to be done. I know he has always wanted to have a taste of me! He too, the idiot, he wants to marry me! He should not come and spoil my plans. Somehow he figured the whole plot, and has played along quietly. These days he hardly speaks to me. Maybe it is because of the promotion Prophet gave him. He has become proud and arrogant. Look at him too! Even when I called him to take me to the hospital, he refused. I had to beg him several times! Just because you are some Junior Prophet, you think you have arrived. He doesn’t even come near me like a proper, responsible father would. He should wait; this whole charade would soon be over, and I would teach him a lesson. Next time when beautiful Ami shows up at your gate in the middle of the night, think twice before opening the door. Fool!
To be continued...
The Writer is a playwright and a Communications Practitioner. Contact: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.