Saturday, 21 October 2017

Being discreet in marriage

One advice that resonates during many marriage ceremonies in Ghana is the need for couples to keep issues within themselves.

Initially, I used to think like: “What kind of advice is this? Why can’t couples share their experiences to impact on others?” Now I say that I really didn’t know what I was saying.
The trailblazers in marriage probably knew that no third person can solve marital issues better than the two involved.
From the little experience I have gained in marriage life, I have come to know that it takes the commitment of the two involved to keep it going.
In recent times Ghanaians have been flooded with some personal marriage details of some public personalities, which make many ask what is happening to marriages.
The fact is that for two personalities of different backgrounds to come together and try to live as one requires a lot of sacrifices and forsaking of some level of comfort, and the process to achieve that oneness road is not easy; in fact it is difficult and requires a lot of hard work.
Sometimes, couples are never able to get there, and that is what may sometimes result in divorce.
Whether couples are able to resolve their differences or it ends up it divorce is not the issue I want to talk about; how we move on after that matters to me now.
Many other ventures in life, including marriage, can fail; in fact, if there was no failure, how could we ever measure success, and the fact that one fails at a venture does not make the person a failure.
In reality, it is those who fall and rise again who are mostly seen as successful. I will equate that situation to marriages as well. Many will admit that marriage is full of ups and downs, so when couples get to the down moments and are not able to rise again, then we could be expecting divorce.
If it is not shameful to fail in business, then it is not shameful to fail in marriage; yes, divorce in itself is not a shame; however, divorce is a very painful process and no sane thinking person will ever encourage anybody to divorce. God made it so.
Divorce can, however, turn shameful if the couple decide to bring bedroom issues outside. What do I mean by that? What makes divorce shameful is when one partner out of hurt decides to revenge and so say totally negative things about the former lover.
What makes divorce shameful is when one spouse decides that things they talked about in private while they were lovers will be spewed into the public ear just to disgrace the other.
Again, I say that divorce in itself is not shameful, in our country; we have heard of some very distinguished personalities who have gone through divorce but have moved on and have been able to achieve enviable heights in their lives.
Yes, when separation and subsequently divorce happens, we all feel sad; we feel sad because there is power in unity; united couple can achieve whatever they set their heart to do; we feel sad because love is gone sour and the consequences are not pleasant.
The mature thing to do, however, should there be divorce is to move on quietly, try to move on without hurting the other, try to move on without jeopardising the future of the children involved if any, try to move on without making too much noise in the ears of the public who will probably pretend to sympathise but actually laugh about it behind you.
Someone once said that a good marriage would be one between a blind wife and a deaf husband; I even believe that even marriage between a blind and a deaf will still have its own challenges.
To be matured is to be able to confront the challenges and work at solving it, not with malice but with love; remember, love does not keep record of the wrong, love does not envy, love is patient, love is kind, love is not self-seeking, love involves long-suffering and many good virtues.
If you ever need to speak to someone about your marriage, pray to God to direct you to the right person, if not speaking to God the originator of marriages himself.
He (God) alone can better fix broken marriages.

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