Sure, we like having men in our lives, but there are certain boundaries that must be adhered to.
This is a satirical take on what girls think when guys become a little too much to deal with and, honestly, this goes for the ladies too, but as Katt Williams so eloquently put it: “This isn’t your part of the show yet.”
1. It makes things too easy
Nothing worth having comes easy. I mean this literally and figuratively… think about it.
2. They are embarrassing to introduce to your friends
Sure, these guys are good in doses, but the last thing you want to do is introduce one of them to your friends.
They’ve probably heard every clingy thing this guy has ever done. He could be a great guy and all, but you tend to tell your friends the bad things because those are just so much more fun to talk about.
3. They make jealousy annoying instead of sexy
A little bit of jealously is awesome; it makes you feel wanted and appreciated, but when that line is crossed, there is no going back.
An overly jealous guy can make every social encounter annoying.
4. They drain your phone battery
Jesus F-ing Christ, throw me a frickin’ bone here and relax for a moment. How am I supposed to scroll through my Instagram feed if I keep receiving a text from you every 0.5 seconds?
I can’t even swipe upwards to remove the alert from my screen because they keep coming in at rapid speeds.
5. They make you check in with them more than a probation officer would
Why do some men make their girlfriends check in every time they travel from point A to point B? I can understand if it’s while they’re going out, or even traveling, but having to explain when they’re going to the bank, then the grocery store, then the gym is utterly beyond me.
Live your life and I’ll live mine.
6. You get a heart attack whenever you get Facebook notifications
“Jessie Gold just posted 27 pictures of you…” Thank God for timeline activity review or you’d really be screwed.
Just hope your boyfriend isn’t friends with whoever is posting and tagging pictures of you.
7. They make you seem unavailable to the rest of the world
This should never, ever, ever happen and if it does, you need to cut this man loose.
If your friends stop reaching out to you because of a guy in your life, then he just isn’t the guy that should be in your life.
8. They give you sh*t for not wanting to display your relationship on social media
If you are over the age of, hmm, 14 — there is absolutely NO reason to be in a Facebook relationship.
What happens when you get into a drunk argument and one of you leaves said relationship? Your friends are going to get annoyed very quickly when you break up to make up all over their news feeds.
9. They make you forget what it’s like to do things on your own
Run errands… alone? God forbid… If you’ve forgotten what it’s like to be your own person then you need to re-evaluate your current situation.-
No guy should take away or alter your lifestyle to the extreme that you lose sight of what’s important to you.
10. They make you feel guilty for not hanging out with them
Don’t you have friends? Or anything else that you want to do without company? I’m confused as to why you aren’t appreciating the fact that I give you space…
11. They violate your Netflix queue
I get that sharing is caring, but when you are f*cking up the order of my “Orange Is The New Black” marathon, then we’ve got a serious problem on our hands.
12. They give you moral hangovers
There is one thing that clingy guys do perfectly: they make you feel bad for the most inconsequential sh*t. Called at 9:07 instead of 9 pm? Prepare to get bitched at.
Wore a dress that was a little too short? Yup, you’re getting bitched at.
Basically the route this guy takes is that he will try and make you feel bad about anything so that you spend more time with him.
13. They make you feel guilty for having more fun without them
Instead of appreciating the fact that you have a separate social life, this guy barrages you with questions and guilt all in hopes you want to hang out with him instead.
Sadly, he doesn’t realize this will have the complete opposite effect.
14. They don’t understand the concept of alone time or personal space
You don’t always need to be with someone to be doing something.
It’s a great sign of relief when a guy you are interested in respects the fact that sometimes you really just need your own space, but it’s a whole other dilemma when this is the opposite of what’s happening.
15. They try too hard to be friends with all of your friends
Yes, we want you to be nice to our friends, but we don’t want you exchanging numbers with them or blowing up their phones.
You see them when you do group activities — that is all. It’s just plain weird and creepy to be overly friendly to people you didn’t even know beforehand.
16. They linger when you want them to leave
Yes, we just had a sleepover, but why are you still hanging around at 2 pm? Don’t you have anything to do?
I just pushed my errands and schedule off, but now it’s mid afternoon and I’ve got sh*t to do and, honestly, you probably should too…
17. They touch you when you don’t want to be touched
When you’re pregnant with a Chipotle food baby, the last thing you want is his hands grabbing at your stomach.
18. They think PDA is acceptable during every opportunity
Restaurants, move theaters, sidewalks, public transportation — you name it and he tries to grope you there.
Sure, a little PDA here and there can be nice, but when it’s too much, it’s just nauseating and repulsive.